sorry for this is somewhat a personal post.
a relative told me that i have so much on my plate.
so many responsibilities and obligations.
it’s my birthday and my marriage is on the cliff… or shall we say we already fell down.
it hurts ’cause i thought i can still hang on.
my friend says, go.
easy for them to say. i have nowhere to go to. my parents? i don’t want my daughter to experience all the hatred and isolation.
i thought of my birthday wish.
my husband didn’t come home. i thought we were ok. i pray to God, it’s better that my husband is with some other woman than to identify him in a morgue or some hospital.
and then my parents are spending the night with us. they know nothing about what is happening to us. my in-laws talked to me to be strong and that they’ll deal with him. at last my hubby texted, i feel that he’s lying again. and angry words are thrown at each other. blames. painful words. love is nowhere, it just disappear. then he said he was in a hospital. no detail. don’t know if there is someone with him.
then my parents are spending the night with us not knowing that we’re gonna say that he wants or we wanted to separate or we are having problems.
it hurts so much ’cause i was worried, the next thing i was angry when all that i should be is happy.
happy birthday to me.
they often say that i’m too nice.
what is “nice” when all i am doing is the “supposedly” task of a mother and a wife?
forgive me if i’m telling this to strangers. maybe tomorrow i’ll delete this post or re-edit this. i want us to be happy. but it looks like i just have to give up.
i like to believe that there is hope for us. i don’t know.
i hope my plate could be empty.