empty plate

empty plate

April 2012

sorry for this is somewhat a personal post.
a relative told me that i have so much on my plate.
so many responsibilities and obligations.

it’s my birthday and my marriage is on the cliff… or shall we say we already fell down.

it hurts ’cause i thought i can still hang on.

my friend says, go.

easy for them to say. i have nowhere to go to. my parents? i don’t want my daughter to experience all the hatred and isolation.

i thought of my birthday wish.
my husband didn’t come home. i thought we were ok. i pray to God, it’s better that my husband is with some other woman than to identify him in a morgue or some hospital.

and then my parents are spending the night with us. they know nothing about what is happening to us. my in-laws talked to me to be strong and that they’ll deal with him. at last my hubby texted, i feel that he’s lying again. and angry words are thrown at each other. blames. painful words. love is nowhere, it just disappear. then he said he was in a hospital. no detail. don’t know if there is someone with him.

then my parents are spending the night with us not knowing that we’re gonna say that he wants or we wanted to separate or we are having problems.

it hurts so much ’cause i was worried, the next thing i was angry when all that i should be is happy.

happy birthday to me.

they often say that i’m too nice.

what is “nice” when all i am doing is the “supposedly” task of a mother and a wife?

forgive me if i’m telling this to strangers. maybe tomorrow i’ll delete this post or re-edit this. i want us to be happy. but it looks like i just have to give up.

i like to believe that there is hope for us. i don’t know.

i hope my plate could be empty.


7 thoughts on “empty plate”

  1. Oh Charm, I’m so sorry. I know exactly what you are going through, I’ve been there..twice. It feels like the world is ending, but you will get through this, life will be happy again one day. I will be praying for your marriage.

  2. Yes, we’re strangers… but in a way we’re not. If such personal writing helps you deal with things, then keep them coming. We’re all here to listen.

  3. Charm, it was sad to read that your marriage is going in the direction as it does – but reading about your thinking – you’re a great person and I promise you that it’s better to be alone on the birthday then being with somebody that don’t want to be there. You will fix this – you will love again – it will take time and it will be painful at times, but no man is worth our pain and hurt – start planning for your life with your daughter.. do plans – look forward – enjoy your freedom.
    Your plate are not empty – it’s just waiting for warm comfort food.

  4. I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I pray that things get better and that your husband realizes before it is too late what an amazing treasure he has in you and his family. I know that blogging about it seems strange but in another way it is a way to help alleviate your mind. Prayers to you Charm.

  5. Life is a journey and in any journey there are roadblocks, wrong turns, bumps and pot holes. And sometimes on our journey there are detours that take us where we don’t want to go. But detours are just that–an unplanned round about way to get us where we are meant to be.

    Praying for your strength and peace while you are on this difficult path.

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