taken on June 2012
this is the new arrangement of my room. my mom knows i like patricia cornwell so she put my collection in my room.
it has been almost 5 months since i last went home to my parents house. it’s not that i don’t like being there, well, i am uncomfortable being there and like i said before, my mother doesn’t really know that i (or my brother and i) feels indifferent towards her.
i hate it when they meddle with our life, when we arrived my mother immediately talked to us and wanted us to move and look for our house and said they’ll be the one taking care of my kid. yes, it is our plan to move but, honestly, we want to have a babysitter rather than our parents. i don’t want to tell her that it is hard for us financially and emotionally. we want to have our own space. do it in our own time. but they are dependent on us. don’t get me wrong, most of the Filipino families are like this. we take care of our immediate relatives.
maybe i just want my own space and decide on my own life. it is my kid and i know what’s the best for her. like she knew what is best for us. but i am not her. it’s hard to tell her to stop meddling with our affairs that we are grown ups who can think and if ever we make mistakes, we can learn from them.
we have the same problem with the in-laws.
i just feel sad that i choose (yes, choose is the right term) not to rely on them.
i feel sad because i don’t have the heart to be selfish and just let them be.
i feel sad for myself because i don’t have the confidence to confront my problems.
i feel sad because my relationship with my husband is still sour but our relationship is the only thing we’ve got. funny, i’m thinking of our vows. when we got married, we joked on the line “for richer or poorer”. we said “richer” in a low tone while we kinda shouted “for poorer”. even if we kinda fallen apart, when we feel lonely or facing a problem, we end up helping each other.
i just wish his feeling for me are the same, but it is not. so, well, i’ve got many thing on my plate.
sorry if this is another rant post. going back home made me remember, reminisce my life back then, including my old dreams.
it just want to let it out. i’m kinda happy actually, i know how to count and appreciate my blessings. tomorrow, i’ll start doing my bucket list. for now, it’s 12:17 am, and i need to sleep.
thanks friends! may you have a nice day!