book collection


taken on June 2012

this is the new arrangement of my room. my mom knows i like patricia cornwell so she put my collection in my room.

***

it has been almost 5 months since i last went home to my parents house. it’s not that i don’t like being there, well, i am uncomfortable being there and like i said before, my mother doesn’t really know that i (or my brother and i) feels indifferent towards her.

i hate it when they meddle with our life, when we arrived my mother immediately talked to us and wanted us to move and look for our house and said they’ll be the one taking care of my kid. yes, it is our plan to move but, honestly, we want to have a babysitter rather than our parents. i don’t want to tell her that it is hard for us financially and emotionally. we want to have our own space. do it in our own time. but they are dependent on us. don’t get me wrong, most of the Filipino families are like this. we take care of our immediate relatives.

maybe i just want my own space and decide on my own life. it is my kid and i know what’s the best for her. like she knew what is best for us. but i am not her. Β it’s hard to tell her to stop meddling with our affairs that we are grown ups who can think and if ever we make mistakes, we can learn from them.

we have the same problem with the in-laws.

i just feel sad that i choose (yes, choose is the right term) not to rely on them.

i feel sad because i don’t have the heart to be selfish and just let them be.

i feel sad for myself because i don’t have the confidence to confront my problems.

i feel sad because my relationship with my husband is still sour but our relationship is the only thing we’ve got. funny, i’m thinking of our vows. when we got married, we joked on the line “for richer or poorer”. we said “richer” in a low tone while we kinda shouted “for poorer”. even if we kinda fallen apart, when we feel lonely orΒ facing a problem, we end up helping each other.

i just wish his feeling for me are the same, but it is not. so, well, i’ve got many thing on my plate.

sorry if this is another rant post. going back home made me remember, reminisce my life back then, including my old dreams.

it just want to let it out. i’m kinda happy actually, i know how to count and appreciate my blessings. tomorrow, i’ll start doing my bucket list. for now, it’s 12:17 am, and i need to sleep.

thanks friends! may you have a nice day!

10 thoughts on “book collection

  1. Mothers will always be mothers, but you have to live your life the way you want and do your own mistakes – otherwise will it blow up in her face .. if things go wrong.
    You are able to run your own life and take care of of your daughter – so the sooner she start seeing you as an adult the better for both of you. Good luck, Sweetheart.

  2. Regarding you husband …. move on – wash him out of your hair – take a good cry when you shower next time – and move on.

  3. I can agree. I live about 10 hours from my family, and my grandparents are in ailing health, so I hear alot about how important it is that I move back home ASAP. But, this is just not a good time. My husband just started a new job in January, and it’s too early for him to ask for a transfer, and we don’t want him giving it up. I feel like my mother sometimes forgets I am married and just thinks of me and my daughter. What gets me through is to put myself in her shoes. It really diffuses the situation when I think of how I might respond. Good luck with this!

  4. yeah, but i think we are still trying. i’m not defending him whatsoever, but my side is really one-sided. anyways, i’m really torn about it right now, one thing at time.πŸ™‚

  5. true. hopefully they’ll understand if we didn’t do as they want. sometimes i feel like, you know “leave me alone!” haha! maybe i need another vacation. LOL!

  6. I know this wasn’t supposed to be a funny post, but I did chuckle at the whispered “richer” and yelled “poorer”.

    I suspect you’re a smart girl and will figure all this out!

  7. Heya, sorry to hear you are going through a rough time and feeling sad about many things. I think the comment someone made above was insightful — that by asserting yourself, your mom will realize you are a grown-up. When you continue to let her treat you not as one, then it’s just reinforced in her mind that you’re not one. It’s tough, I know, but go with your gut and think about what’s best for the long-run (including your relationship with your mom in the long run).

  8. well, everyone goes through something. i;ve gone through worst, believe me. this is just life.πŸ™‚

    i still believe in fairytales so i know in the end, everythings gonna be alright.πŸ™‚

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