Picture-less Post #3: 8th


just sharing my thoughts. as some of you know, i have a very complicated, on-the-rocks, relationship with my husband. and tomorrow is our 8th year anniversary from the day i said yes to him, as bf-gf.

i should be angry because he’s not home on his day off’s. don’t really want to paint a picture of our situation, let’s just say, i’m hurting but i don’t know what else to do. old folks say just wait until he come around. friends say leave go, you don’t deserve to be hurt. my gut said go but are you ready and gives me a thousand list of the things i should face. i’m scared and vulnerable right now.

i don’t think it is a good idea to write this up, but i’m hurting. my daughter is watching disney’s “sleeping beauty” movie. i believe in fairytales, you know. sometimes i think i’m doomed but well, i need and want to dream/think/hope that in the end, everything will be alright.

i want to be angry at my husband. i’m worried, i feel disrespected, used… hurt. but the date tomorrow reminds me of the happy memories, which started on July 29, 2004.

i hate to think that all will go into nothing. i’m hurt but still hoping. i still have the energy to smile to my daughter and say that everything’s gonna be alright but deep inside i feel my heart bleeding. i’m beginning to think that i have the broken-heart disease.

i know i’m needed so i’m not faltering. i know my purpose so i still have hope.

i just wish it was more, in a different and happier circumstance.

to my husband, if this is just a storm, i pray that we could get through it, if not, well, may we be happy.

 

13 thoughts on “Picture-less Post #3: 8th

  1. Honest post and … great written. Everything happens for a reason – even if we can’t see it – you deserve to have a happy life and I think to hope that .. you can ride this storm together – it will never be the same again .. the trust is gone. Don’t wish and hope – fair-tales with happy endings are very rare and not many of us .. are blessed with that. You have to plan for yourself first of all .. and your daughter second. Give the wishes and the hopes to yourself.

  2. i’m planning but i still have to hope. i know it will never be the same again. it’s our culture to give chances and all. i don’t know, right now, i just want to have some stability.

    thank viveka. it feels great that someone reads what i’m writing.

  3. Have been on holiday .. that’s why I haven’t replayed for 4 weeks. Charm – you have to find the stability inside yourself – no one else will give it to you. You can’t live through another person. You will fix this without or with a second chance.

  4. When I married the love of my life, I never dreamed that I would get a divorce after 48 years. He had secret hurts that he buried from himself and me. Something happened that triggered those hurts to surface. Anger took over. It was incredulous. The man that I loved so deeply I now feared. Such disappointment! I believe you understand this. When I put my feelings aside, I was able to understand and accept what he was going through. He had the opportunity to get professional help, but sadly chose not to. What saw me through this hard time was God. He gave me people that loved and faithfully prayed for me. He gave me His wisdom and understanding and His strength to carry me over to a new life. He was and still is my Encircling Shield. Charm, surround yourself with people who are positive and know how to pray for you. Saturate yourself in reading the Bible. It’s God’s love letter to you. It tells you who God is and who you are. If you are not in harm’s way, stay where you are. There is always hope for a better relationship. Perhaps that is why you were given your daughter–to be loved and to love back. Praying for you. Betty

  5. i think when we married someone, we all felt it was forever. maybe i know how to love unconditionally but i also know my limits. it’s bad when one started to lose self-respect. financially, emotionally, physically, i’m not ready to face the consequences of the most advised action.πŸ™‚ i envy those couple who try their best, couples who talk and listen… we were once that, but now. i don;t know. i;m young. i just dont want to do something i know i’ll regret for the rest of my life.

  6. thank you. i’m learning from other’s experiences. i think i’m too empathetic. thank you again. i still know my purpose so i don’t want to falter or just give up. i’m not living for myself anymore.πŸ™‚

  7. I won’t “like” this, because there’s no pleasure in reading this. it’s like peeling back a slow healing scab. I know your story unfortunately. I can’t offer a balm b/c frankly, I’m still searching for one myself. I applaud your bravery.

  8. they say i’m brave, smart, martyr at the same time. i don’t really get it. but thank stacy. i just need to let this out. can’t stop and just mourn. i’ve got mouths to feed and life to enjoyπŸ™‚

  9. Only the Lord knows what is best. Only He knows what you and your husband are feeling. Pray. Listen. God will let you know what action to take or if you just need to wait. I know this advise is true. It’s what I do. Betty

  10. thank you. actually, it’s comforting to know that someone cares. there are people who’ve been here done that, hell, i dont know how thay can get through this.

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