We left home.
Now, I have to travel 3 hours to go to work and of course, another 3 hours to go home. They said, “please love yourself”. And here I am, loving myself. Damn.
This is probably a rant post. It’s just so f$%#@% damn hard!
My mother is right. This is nothing compare to the feeling that one is alone, nobody to lean on. I am back to my original home. Scared for my daughter’s well being.
I hate myself, I hate him. I hate the situation.
I need some distraction so I got to the office earlier than usual, not checking my mails and stuff… then we were advised to work from home. I am so consumed by my emotions that I forget to think of my safety and still went to work and commute for 3 damn hours.
I’m too angry to cry. Maybe I’m angry because I know we’re hurting our daughter. and he just let us go. I hate mistresses, other woman who take on married men. I hate weak husbands who don’t think of their families and their vows. I hate wives who just let their husbands be.
I’m sorry. I just don’t know how to release my anger. That’s my problem. I don’t really get angry. I get angry at myself.
Before I acted, my daughter and I went to church. The homily was, “People are always trying to get to their destinations [dreams/wants], but they forget their addresses.” He said, “Don’t forget you’re address.”. And we forgot ours.
We always have personal intentions, prayers, but do we pray on how to be able to get to that? Like in the Bible, after Jesus made a miracle to give 500 bread and loaves, people looked for Him. Did they look because they want to see Him or they looked because they want some more miracles? I’m/We’re guilty of this. I keep praying for happiness. But I did not pray for Him to be the center of our relationship. We know He is the start and ending.
I cried last night because my daughter told me, she wants to go home. Home. We’re now lost. We don’t have home. I know that a home will start with a mother and father, loving each other. I feel my daughter’s pain. I don’t know how to say how much sorry I am for causing that pain.
One week. I gave him one week to think. To be free from me.
One week I’ll strive. I still pray for happiness but now, I pray that our family will find Him again. I hope He let us find him. If not, still, I hope He let us find Him.
It’s raining, I’ll just finish and report and go home. Damn 3 hours travel. I hope there’s no flooding in our area. Stay safe everyone.