Picture-less Post #4: I did something stupid.


We left home.

Now, I have to travel 3 hours to go to work and of course, another 3 hours to go home. They said, “please love yourself”. And here I am, loving myself. Damn.

This is probably a rant post. It’s just so f$%#@% damn hard!

My mother is right. This is nothing compare to the feeling that one is alone, nobody to lean on. I am back to my original home. Scared for my daughter’s well being.

I hate myself, I hate him. I hate the situation.

I need some distraction so I got to the office earlier than usual, not checking my mails and stuff… then we were advised to work from home. I am so consumed by my emotions that I forget to think of my safety and still went to work and commute for 3 damn hours.

I’m too angry to cry. Maybe I’m angry because I know we’re hurting our daughter. and he just let us go. I hate mistresses, other woman who take on married men. I hate weak husbands who don’t think of their families and their vows. I hate wives who just let their husbands be.

I’m sorry. I just don’t know how to release my anger. That’s my problem. I don’t really get angry. I get angry at myself.

Before I acted, my daughter and I went to church. The homily was, “People are always trying to get to their destinations [dreams/wants], but they forget their addresses.” He said, “Don’t forget you’re address.”. And we forgot ours.

We always have personal intentions, prayers, but do we pray on how to be able to get to that? Like in the Bible, after Jesus made a miracle to give 500 bread and loaves, people looked for Him. Did they look because they want Β to see Him or they looked because they want some more miracles?Β I’m/We’re guilty of this. I keep praying for happiness. But I did not pray for Him to be the center of our relationship. We know He is the start and ending.

I cried last night because my daughter told me, she wants to go home. Home. We’re now lost. We don’t have home. I know that a home will start with a mother and father, loving each other. I feel my daughter’s pain. I don’t know how to say how much sorry I am for causing that pain.

One week. I gave him one week to think. To be free from me.

One week I’ll strive. I still pray for happiness but now, I pray that our family will find Β Him again. I hope He let us find him. If not, still, I hope He let us find Him.

It’s raining, I’ll just finish and report and go home. Damn 3 hours travel. I hope there’s no flooding in our area. Stay safe everyone.

 

 

17 thoughts on “Picture-less Post #4: I did something stupid.

  1. You are stronger than you know! Take control, get control of yourself so you can show your daughter that women can take care of themselves and don’t always need a man to lean on. You can do it!

  2. yeah. my mother told me that. she said, don’t sulk. find inspirations. if your husband don’t turn around. you can still do it. there are people who’ve done it. but it’s still sad. i just don’t get that separation is an option. but life has a funny way of teaching me things.

    thanks angeline.

  3. Again, I wish I had something wise to say! I don’t do this often or well enough, but for what it’s worth the three of you are in my prayers. Take care of that little girl!

  4. There is no situation we encounter that God doesn’t give us His name to match what we experience. He is HEARER OF OUR CRIES (Psalm 34:17). Tell Him how you feel. He already knows, but it is good to voice it. He HEALS BROKEN HERTS (Psalm 147:3).He is your HIDING PLACE (Psalm 17:8 implied). He is GOD WHO KNOWS THE SECRETS OF THE HEART (Psalm 44:21). He is FEAR CHASER (Genesis 26:24 implied). Share those fears with Him. He is your EVER-PRESENT HELP (Psalm 71:5 implied). He is COURAGE GIVER (2 Chron. 32:7,8 implied).He is CONSOLER (John 14:1 implied). He is BINDER OF WOUNDS (Psalm 147:3). Above all, God is LOVE

  5. God is LOVE (1 John 4:8). Find quiet time, sit before your heavenly Father, tell Him how you feel and remind Him of His names. Then be quiet and listen with your head and heart. He will comfort you and give you direction. Sometimes accepting the role of a parent is harder for a man than a woman. Pray, Charm. This is not something you need to handle on your own. Betty

  6. thank you Sid. It’s comforting. my father, can’t explain in so many words how he feels sad, but he’s still there. he’s the one who woke me today and brought me to the bus station. i feel overwhelmed by their love.

    thanks again. yes, prayers. all we need.,

  7. when i asked for my parents help, i honestly feel kinda you know, secure. but still sad, i know their reactions was different than i expected by they still support me. thank you for the verses betty.

  8. What a seat you have …. but you will be coming out good in the end – you have too look forward instead of concentrating on what you had and what was. He aren’t the right man for you – we all have our weak moments – but he had weak months … I wouldn’t like to be where you’re just now … but you and your daughter will be just fine without him. Everything happens for a reason – the answer you will get later on .. then the puzzle fall in place. Don’t be angry on yourself. Yourself and your little daughter is the most important thing for you to take care of just now – concentrate on that and make the best of the situation. My grandma always said that – don’t cry of spilled milk.

  9. i don’t know how people get through this. my in-laws and my parents can’t tell me any advice on how to handle this. they haven’t been betrayed and all. what’s hurting the most is i know, if he’ll change, i’ll always choose him. it’s so damn hard.

    i’m at my parents house and i can’t show any emotion. i can’t cry. i don’t want to. my daughter is here. i can’t believe why he chose her over us.

  10. Happens everyday .. that men do that choice – but very little comfort for you. You will figure everything out – only now when it’s fresh .. it hurts. Don’t worry, it’s not really the end of the world. Who wants a man that doesn’t want us ?????

  11. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but the Lord knows what you’re going through and he’s walking with you. Keep your chin up, stay positive, focus on the Lord and He will not lead you astray. Your strength is in Him.πŸ™‚ Praying for you and your family!

  12. Exactly!!

    Matt 6:34 “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

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