Picture-less Post #9: submission, admission


it’s 1:22 am and I should be up later at 5:30 am to go to work. maybe my laziness has been consumed that i’m kinda still energetic or maybe my insomnia is kicking again.

anyways, i have added a page for links and blogrolls. i’ll update this as i go along posting the sites that i frequently visits.

i don’t know if i should share this but remember when i told you, i want to submit an article? well, it didn’t got chosen. sadness. but i guess, i’ll share them with you. it’s one way of moving on, admission that this had happened.

i wrote this a few months back. when i thought everything will be ok.

warning: don’t read if you don’t want to read about love. haha!

***

I am writing this on a Saturday night, my sweet daughter asleep in the other room and instrumental music as background music for lullaby and also to set the mood.

Frustrated writer. That’s who I am– the person who settles in writing non-sense blogs. And now, I am taking the leap.

So what topic to write about? Maybe about something that could change the world? (haha!) Politics? (nah.) Motherhood? (too serious.) Maybe about something common to us all?

It was in 2003. I was a freshman in college when I met this small boy in elephant jeans with kimpy hair in an org’s orientation. Less did I know that he will be the one that would make me fall in love, broke my heart, heal my soul and just plainly turn my world upside-down.

As a girl, I have no experience in love per se. Crushes, of course. It was sort of a miracle when someone asked me to be a prom date (to think it was mandated but still, I am very grateful). I have a brother who is only a year younger so I saw the opposite sex as brothers or really a person who is hard-to-spell-so-let-them-be.

That time, love was an unknown term. My experience was based only from my friends’ experiences. My only notion about it is that love really conquers all. And that when you say “yes”, it was meant to be forever. You see, my grandmother, Nanay, loved only one man, our dearest Tatay who is a very charismatic, “friendly”, handsome man. With all the hardships in life, Nanay accepted and stick with him, honoring their vows. Maybe that’s what I wanted. And maybe that’s the only way I know love.

Going back to my own story, aside from kimpy boy, I have another friend. We totally click. But overwhelmed by being in college, the timing was just not right. Common friends really thought we were an item. Like the king in Cinderella II said about finding the one, “when you hold his/her hand, you’ll just know”.  And it just did not felt right. Just so you know, I considered him the one that got away (which is good for him, if he ended up with me, maybe he’ll regret it for the rest of his life. Haha!)

The kimpy boy became my brod in an organization, my cheat-mate in exams, my friend and my confidant. To make the story short, he was my first love. He is my first love. Not really a risk taker, so that time when friends were pestering about us, I thought: Is he really the one I will fight for? Is he really the one I see in my future? Can I accept the real him? Is the love I have for him unconditional? Is he really the one? And in all the questions, I answered yes.

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and months turned into years. Yes, I was in love. He can make me laugh without saying a word. We can talk about anything under the sun. We made plans and shared the same dreams. He was the one.

Of course in college, one would have to graduate. He was having financial problem and all so I ended up graduating before him. Not really a big deal for me. I thought it was also not for him. But I was wrong. I’ve gone to work in Makati and later did I know that he cheated on me (I won’t go into detail, it is supposed to be forgiven and forgotten, haha!). That’s the time I literally felt my heart bleeding out. Somewhat I can feel my body floating, mist encircling me. I was heartbroken. I didn’t know what to do. The day after was a Monday. I have to go back to Makati to work. As usual, provincial buses were full. It was raining and there I was, in the middle of the aisle of the bus standing and crying. Heck, like in the movies, a girl in a crowded bus in the middle of a highway traffic crying her heart out. T_T

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. My heart slightly healed when this boy wooed me back. He was then working to help his family. Vulnerable and having my notion of unconditional love, I accepted him and loved him more. He tried to make it up to me. Second chances are meant to be given.

In 2009, God gave us an angel. I loved him more because he was there not only to support me, but he was there for our little angel (the one sleeping in the other room🙂 ). Same year, we were married. He healed my soul. With him, I have now a purpose in life.

One would think this is my happily ever after. But reality bites, the happily ever afters are not the end of a story. It is a start of a new book. It was not meant to be easy. As FB status would say, mine is “it’s complicated.” But like my Nanay, I would try to make my first love, my last. Maybe until my patience wore off (haha!). It sounds so cheesy to say I only fell in love once. In this generation, it is like the more-partners-the-merrier or if-you-hurt-me-there-are-others-in-my-list or if-you-fell-in-love-young-that-wont-last. I am just happy and proud to have found him.

We would have been together 9 years now (wait, he just kissed me goodbye. He is off to work, as for me, off to washing the dishes🙂 ). We seldom see each other now. But still, I like to believe that we are still working things out. Remember my questions? If I ask it again now, I would also say yes… again.

Like fairytales, love is something we all have in common.  We all have the story of falling in love, having our hearts broken, healing it and loving all over again. It’s an experience we all have.

For me, it just happened that all of these, I shared with a small boy with a kimpy hair in an elephant jeans. And remembering him that way can always make me laugh.

___

Hi, I’m Charm, 26 yrs old, a mother to a soon to be 3 yr old girl and wife to a small boy with a kimpy hair in an elephant jeans.

6 thoughts on “Picture-less Post #9: submission, admission

  1. Wonderful post … really enjoyed reading your love story and I hope of all my heart that your story will get a happy ending. Glad that you two are trying to work things out – at least you didn’t give up at the first hurdle. Good luck to you.

  2. You’re a wonderful writer, Charm – your blog is probably the most heartfelt and sincere I know, and what you shared today is all the more so. I’m still hoping for the best for all three of you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s