sleep is my comfort. it stops my bitter reality. however, this past few days, i have weird dreams.
i had nightmares when i was young. so i defer to sleep when i’m full. there are times when i wake up with tears in my eyes but i don’t know why i’m crying. or when i wake up so tired and catching for breath. i don’t remember them. but i know i have dreams. but last weekend was different. maybe out of loneliness or being lazybone again.
it started in a place, like a resort in a mountain that oversee an ocean.
but it feels like i’m working. out of town work. i remember thinking about my daughter and wondering if she’s doing ok at home. then a boy was there, same age as i was.
then i went into a bathroom which is on the edge of falling down. imagine a square over a triangle. the square is the bathroom. then it started to shake. an earthquake. outside, land/hills suddenly appeared. like in movies with end-of-the-world themes. then in the resort pool a bamboo bridge was formed. there were huge insects on the way. and my thought was if it’s end-of-the-world, i need to get to my daughter. then a voice told me that i should cross the bridge which now became a path going down the mountain with fog and all.
i gathered my strength because i really want to go home. i called the boy and we face the insects and went down the path. it seems like a hanging bridge made from bamboo. i told him that we got our bags but we forgot to bring some water. he didn’t say anything. we are actually running in the fear that the bridge will break. i didn’t look back but imagine a path without any safety just little old bamboo, it seems like it started to break and became narrower. i held out my hand so we won’t fall. we held hands. it feels kinda good to have someone there although i don’t know who he is.
then there was a light. the scene changed. it’s like the bridge became a path to a tree house. there were leaves but the tree house was actually a train station. and what i noticed was the vendo machine. there was no water but there was chocolate drinks. i thought, we can live. he let go of my hand while i look and noticed that there was two nuns walking by. i saw some of my relatives from the province who are waitingand roaming around. i noticed one of the nuns, she is one of the closest friend. i called her since it’s been almost three years since i last saw her. she just smiled. i hug her and i was about to cry when our friends arrived. the other nun told me that my friend doesn’t remember us. then in the background my relatives became black and white. and behind then was a stairway down the station. there were bags and i noticed the boy near the stairway. he now looks like my ex-husband. strange but my hearts in pain. i know i have to go down to go home. then he said something hurtful than he said to me before. my thought was, why do you need to remind me you bas***d!
hurt and confused. i made an attempt to walk and go down. then he said something that i can’t hear since i chose not to hear. but i know it was hurtful.
then, sadly, my nanny woke me up. i just wish i saw what’s in the end of the stairway or where it leads to.
such a weird dream that confusingly… i remember clearly.