in melancholy


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“Why do people have to be this lonely? What’s the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?”
— Haruki Murakami (Sputnik Sweetheart)

It is when the night comes that I am reminded of all the bittersweet memories.

Long walks to nowhere. Talking of everything and anything. Dreaming of future untainted. Sharing stories.
Intertwined hands. Heads resting on ones shoulder. Innocent laughters.

They say I still love you. A sweet smile is my only reply. The anger and hate linger. The answer is: I don’t really know. I don’t really care to know.

Ideally, love is not a choice. Commitment is. Practically, it supposed to be the same.

Now, I have neither.

I honestly feel numb. Waking every day, hoping, praying, fighting… This is moving on.

Melancholy. Sadness. Loneliness. Grief. Words that I am denied of feeling.

Burdened. Faith that everything will be fine is the only thing I’ve got.

May be this is one of the moments that I wish I have someone to share my life with.

 

One thought on “in melancholy

  1. You have your daughter and honestly, I am a believer that we are all destined to meet a soul who will be with us until the end… always in God’s time.

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