Me-time walking

β€œSometimes I think it’s better to suffer bitter unhappiness and to fight and to scream out, and even to suffer that terrible pain, than just to be … safe.” She waited until the next scream died away. “At least she knows she’s living.”

Excerpt From: Smith, Betty. β€œA Tree Grows in Brooklyn.” ePub Bud (www.epubbud.com), 2011-03-30. iBooks.
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I like to walk. It’s my stress reliever. It’s the only exercise i know, will do and consider it my me-time.

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My usual walk is from the office to the shuttle terminal. I lived technically four cities away so i need to travel around 20km according to Google maps (lol) which in reality would take 1.5 to 3 hours of commute.

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So many things run in my head whenever I have my me-time and in the silence of walking, peace overcomes, echoes my daily mantra: “everything’s gonna be ok.”

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Night covers the day
As nostagia creeps a bay
Silence lingers, pushing worries away.

Hoping this won’t end
Another step to take, time to bend
Still tomorrow awaits.

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I miss this. This walks reminds me that I am still the young girl from the province that dreams. Hope i have someone to take these walks with.

*note: photos taken last oct 9. Need to blog again, stress releaser. πŸ˜‰

in melancholy

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“Why do people have to be this lonely? What’s the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?”
β€” Haruki Murakami (Sputnik Sweetheart)

It is when the night comes that I am reminded of all the bittersweet memories.

Long walks to nowhere. Talking of everything and anything. Dreaming of future untainted. Sharing stories.
Intertwined hands. Heads resting on ones shoulder. Innocent laughters.

They say I still love you. A sweet smile is my only reply. The anger and hate linger. The answer is: I don’t really know. I don’t really care to know.

Ideally, love is not a choice. Commitment is. Practically, it supposed to be the same.

Now, I have neither.

I honestly feel numb. Waking every day, hoping, praying, fighting… This is moving on.

Melancholy. Sadness. Loneliness. Grief. Words that I am denied of feeling.

Burdened. Faith that everything will be fine is the only thing I’ve got.

May be this is one of the moments that I wish I have someone to share my life with.

 

a little walk

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β€œFor [Jane Austen and the readers of Pride and Prejudice], as for Mr. Darcy, [Elizabeth Bennett’s] solitary walks express the independence that literally takes the heroine out of the social sphere of the houses and their inhabitants, into a larger, lonelier world where she is free to think: walking articulates both physical and mental freedom.”
― Rebecca Solnit, Wanderlust: A History of Walking

i like to take walks. when i’m tired and restless, it’s the only option i got. not recommended in a polluted city, but it’s the only way i know to relieve stress. i miss those times when i dont have to think to solve problems, to accept reality. guess its part of growing up.

i wish, one day, i could share these walks with someone.